When do you leave a marriage? Many would say except for adultery, you cannot divorce and even then consider forgiveness of the "guilty party".

I acknowledge that I said vows to remain in my marriage "until death". I took those vows seriously: in sickness and in health, richer and poorer... Basically, in the bad times as well as the good.

I remained in a one sided marriage for over 40 years. I am not saying he didn't provide for us. He did for about 33 years. But once he stopped, I basically had to start. The reason he stopped was originally to care for his dad who needed taking to the doctor and more intimate care that I was not willing to give. Once that care got too intensive, his dad had to go to a nursing facility and that was that. My husband never worked outside the home again. He basically held on ticking off the days until he could take his social security but that was some seven years.

I didn't start out to become the main breadwinner. As I mentioned, I began caring for his parents - just his mother, at first. Eventually his dad needed care. In time I discovered that I could get paid by the state to care for them. So, I had an income! Of course, it was family income and while at first, my husband didn't like it, he got used to it then eventually became dependent on it. It is how we basically flip-flopped roles. I became the provider and he stayed home. But he never really transitioned to the home keeper. He always asked what was for dinner after I got home.

Once his parents moved to the nursing facility, I found a job outside the home. Even so, I'd come home he would wonder what's for dinner. Well, I tell you what, by the time I got home I just wanted a hot dinner. My solution was on the weekends I'd make stew or soups, so I'd have jars stew or chili in the fridge to heat. But I got to the point that I would not even offer to fix for him... Spiteful, I know - but seriously!

All that to say, this: At what point is a marriage dead? At what point is staying in it like flogging a dead horse? Affection had long since gone. Frustration and bitterness had set in. Why was I staying in this marriage if I was so miserable? All because of a cultural stigma and religious doctrine? One I had long since abandoned.

The marriage is dead. Why keep it up? The kids are grown and starting their own lives. Most if not all of them completely supported my decision and understood (frankly, the girls each have a poor relationship with their dad - for the same reason I did).

He is sad that I don't want to reconcile. That I don't see any reason to carry on. But there it is! What is the point if it's dead?

Your story may be different. Maybe you'll stay in your marriage. I wish you all the best but hope you still look for that passion, that creative spirit, that part of you that is extraordinary - EPIC.